spring fever.

i've honestly been happier in the last week but not at the same time...
i'm really not sure how that works...but for me it is right now.

regardless, the last week has been GREAT! Even with everything going on, it is still amazing!! I've trained sara and she is doing GREAT! I am sooo sooo soo happy!! God has def. answered my prayers for another manager! I def needed someone to take over my sundays so i could get back to church, and He provided. Not that i doubted He would, i just wasn't expecting it to be 2 weeks after i had been praying about it. Even when we first starting closing, i was like..wow she is supposed to be ready by next week?!? and she is! I know she is going to do great tonight without me!

anyway...so this week has been weird for me in other ways...so almost two years ago me and JAC broke up. I've been cool with it. I was hurt with the circumstances as first...but i was over it, i took a long time before i started dating again, and all of that. But for some reason this week has been particularly hard. May 30, 2009 was going to be "the" day. yes that's right, 2 weeks from now. but it ended. it was over. so instead when he proposed just a year after they started dating...well officially anyway, i never would have thought that he would get married a month before we were supposed to. the colors were our colors.
i shouldn't be bothered by this. im trying to not be. i dont want him. but WHY?!? why now? why those colors? i mean i know she may have liked them too...but really??? i'm glad he's happy...and i'm glad he has all that he wants, because i was never going to become the girl that he wanted me to be.

but i think this is also why i just dont want to deal with my more current relationship. i was more upset, and shocked when jac and i broke up. i guess i always expected it from JSH. But i guess it's just this time of year...i always seem to lose it. i guess it's just spring fever. :)

I talked to GS about the situation today, and really out of the 4 guys i have dated in the last 7 years, 3 of them have been clingy jealous guys. they were all pretty shy. Those were 3 of the worse relationships for me...i completely changed and stopped being the outgoing person i was. the one the was the better, was still not good, but we had fun. we were so much alike and so outgoing. he's really the only guy to ever break my heart. since then we talked, we're friends. and i love that. that relationship completely changed my life because that was when i became a christian. not that it is confined to one single moment. but the stretch of that two years is what shaped me into the person i am today! Good times. Good times.
i dont know why i continue to ramble. especially about the past. im over it. i love my life now. i just keep screwing up again as if i were 17.

my friends tell me im such a great person and im a good leader, and im this or that. the only thing that hasn't changed since 17, is i still dont see any of it. one day maybe all that will change.