More Than Words.

So here lately i have had a tendency of taking secular music and turning it into worship music. By this i mean, i hear lyrics and so many of them can be related to our relationship with God. So tonight as i was driving to Vinton i heard the song More than words. A song that i have heard many times throughout the years. But the first stanza of the song goes like this...

Saying I love you
Is not the words I want to hear from you
Its not that I want you
Not to say, but if you only knew
How easy it would be to show me how you feel
More than words is all you have to do to make it real
Then you wouldnt have to say that you love me
Cos Id already know

Immediately my mind went to my relationship with God. This song really convicted me about where i had been spending time lately. God doesnt want me to just tell him I love him. What good are my words, if my actions don't back it up? I know that our faith is not "works" based, but you can't just tell God you love him, and live your life like the exact opposite. When was the last time you sat down and spent time with God? Just prayed and had a conversation with Him. Or sat down and read His word? What are your actions saying about the love that you have for Him? When was the last time you layed something down in your life so that you can spend time with God?

Stress

Anyone who knows me, knows i stress like no other.
well i keep sitting here seeing everything i have to do over the next few weeks, trying to figure out how im going to fit school into my already hectic schedule...funny thing is all i can do is laugh. i know i didnt get here on my own. I've said that all along and i still stand beside that tonight. I know the only way that i will get through this semester is to rely on God and trust that He does have a plan for all of this...with that said, i know this does not give me any excuses to slack off...if not i know i need to work harder so i can bring glory to God, as i get this degree, at this school, all of which He called me to do. Trust me, liberty was NEVER on my list of schools. I still find it slightly amusing, and stand firmly to the idea that God has a very funny sense of humor :)
I have to write a paper about the exact moment i became a christian, how i felt before, how i felt after...this is going to be hard....there's not a specific moment that i can say this exact moment was when it happened. it took time. But is that what they want? i think more than anything im going to start second guessing myself. I know this is where God wants me, i just still struggle with WHY ME?!?!?
ahh...i need sleep. i think.

Greater things are yet to come :)

ahhh it's been SOO long since i've posted anything on here!!!
life has been as hectic as ever, but so stinking amazing!!! I have seen God work in so many ways in my life as well as friends and family!! Very very very AWESOME!!!
The last month was chock full of blessings! Just to name a few:
*I got into the program at liberty, which I never thought would happen! God definitely had His hand in that.
* I moved into my new apartment!! I have an amazing roommate!! both are very good things!!!
* Oscar passed away after being an amazing dog for the last 13 years. But he's no longer suffering. I still can't help but miss the little guy, but i know it was a good thing. He was really old and suffering a lot.
* I bought a guinea pig. His name is Sir Walter Raleigh. Funny thing is...he is still too young to figure out if he is indeed a he. he might be a she. in which i guess she would be called lady walter?? haha. who knows. he's great fun though!!!
*Zack got married this weekend!!! He and Meghann tied the knot yesterday! That's def a good time!!
*Genesis!!! Ok so i found about it in may...but still...WHAT A HUGE ANSWER TO PRAYER!!!
I'm sure that i am forgetting something. it's late and i'm tired!! today has been a crazy day!!
This week will be the beginning of the Roanoke Missions week for rhythm for this year. I am crazy excited about this!!! Basically i ran around all day trying to get things together and worked out. The band guys played at a kickoff carnival which was fun, but it was crazy hot. We went out and handed out fliers. First we went to Lincoln Terrace area. The people were super friendly, but it's not necessarily the place i would like to find myself if i were alone, ya know? Well as we were driving back over to 17th street church JAP realized that it was in SE. He was like ughh...i hate that place. Which made me laugh...when i think of SE i think of morningside. Of my grandma's. I think of being a kid and walking to Bill's with brooke and brandi. Well we went to the tinker creek apts. and let me tell you. THAT IS NOT WHAT I THOUGHT OF!!!!!!! That place was crazy. as soon as we stepped out of the car i freaked. we started walking around and a guy started yelling at me and CL. he was like "hey! hey girl! hey!" just over and over again. we walked around the corner and there were 3 cop cars at one of the apartments. i was ready to peace out then. but if we turned around we had to walk past the guy who was yelling, so JP decided that we would walk around. which was alright, we walked around the last building and started cutting through the grass. there were little kids running everywhere to which JP said, "well it's just a bunch of kids" and well one thing i left out earlier is when we were in the first neighborhood, the only bad experience we had was when i walked up to one lady and she walked into the house...well the 15 kids in her yard all ran up and wanted fliers. it was crazy. one girl had stopped CL and told her she couldn't walk in the yard. needless to say when we left that house, we had no more fliers left and had to go back to JP's car and get more....so back to the other story...when i saw all the little kids i wasn't too thrilled. little kids that do not have any supervision are terrifying!!! lol. i know this sounds silly, but there were a lot of kids. so we saw an adult and i decided i would go hand her a flier and tell her who we were, why we were there and such. JP and CL had continued walking and stopped to wait on me. As i was walking a little kid ran after me shooting me with his play gun. he was like "who you? what you doin?" which i realize is hilarious...but i was TERRIFIED!!! lol. it was crazy. i'm pretty sure the kid was trying to bust a cap in me. and would have if it were a real gun!!! regardless, we had many laughs tonight, and i am still thrilled about what God is going to be doing in this city that i love next week!!!!
just so you have an idea of what we will be doing....
monday- starting the day at 9:30am to sort through and load up the stuff for the free store.
VBS meeting at 11. making sure everyone is prepared. prayer. good stuff.
VBS at 17th Street Baptist from 12:30-3:00
Tuesday-getting to Oakland at 6am!!!!(yes it will feel like a normal work day for me!!!) and putting the stuff out for the free store.
VBS- same time same place :)
Wednesday- Back to school Carnival at Thrasher park.
VBS- same time same place :)
Thursday- staining a playground at 17th street.
VBS- i think you know the drill by now :)
friday- doing some more work around 17th street bapt.
VBS- the last day!!!
what a great week planned!! so many opportunities for God's amazing love to shine brightly!!! very very very excited. very very very tired!!

one ending statement is the song...the motto of the year....
You're the God of this City
You're the King of these people
You're the Lord of this nation
You are

You're the Light in this darkness
You're the Hope to the hopeless
You're the Peace to the restless
You are

There is no one like our God
There is no one like our God

For greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this City
Greater thing have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this City

There is no one like our God
There is no one like our God

For greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this City
Greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done here

There is no one like our god
There is no one like our God

Greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done in this City
Greater things have yet to come
And greater things are still to be done here

i just ask you to pray about this city. pray about this missions. i love roanoke and i know with all my heart that God has amazing things planned for this city! Greater things :)

What i learned from a meth addict

ok so first off let me say that since last Thursday, my world has been in a whirl!!!!
so much stuff has happened....
thursday night scott told Shanna and i about a house next to him that was for sale....let me first say that i hadn't considered buying a house at all. nor would i if scott didnt persist that we come look at this house.
friday i was driving with the parents and saw the neighborhood that i THOUGHT the house was in, texted shanna and told her there was no freakin way i was going to live in this house! After lauren's party we drove past the house, and i loved the outside. i didn't want to. but i did. it was a lot to take in...but we drove around the neighborhood to get an idea of night life and that was it.
Saturday after work i went over to talk to sean about the house to get his opinion. while i was there shanna and her parents went over to the house and looked at the outside. There are def things that this house has that i really really liked, but i had some concerns...so saturday night we drove by again....same drill as before, and then went home.
so sunday...this is the day that pretty much shaped my amazing day today.....
so i went to church at Bethel to hear Craig speak....now i had planned on going to journey church then, but craig said he would be at bethel so i wanted to go support him. well while he was preaching i was listening, and he was saying how we are always witnessing....and as i was sitting there i started thinking about it, and was like hmmm well i only really talk to my friends, except for when im at work. and when im at work i can't really be a witness because we're not allowed to talk about religion of any kind. so yea....we went on about our day, looked at the house, had a bad feel about it, ended up looking at the most awful pink colored house and it was alright...im still a tad apprehensive, but we will see what God wants us to do.
So this morning i continued to think about Craigs sermon and i just couldn't think of ways that I could witness. I mean....my friends are christians, and even though my coworkers aren't unless they know me, they wouldn't know that i am a christian. some of them know that i go to church because they ask what i did the night before or whatever...but yea....you get the point.
Anyway, so we had this employee who worked night shift while i did....well about a month ago she called and said that she couldn't work that night....and we never heard from her again. I knew that she had been to court a few days earlier for a drug possession charge, but i also knew that she had been working after that, and figured nothing had happened. And well i work in fast food, it's not like people are known for their longevity. Well today she came to pick up her check from a month ago....she couldn't find her hat, and our policy is you have to pay for it. I end up having to take her to the bank to cash her check.....well as we're waslking out i asked if she wanted to ride with me or follow me....she chose to ride with because she needed to talk to me about some things.
On the way to the bank she didnt say much of anything. other than she's been in rehab. i feel really bad for her, but i am not allowed to give her her job back....but she was such a good worker...anyway...so we get the check cashed and get back in my car, and while we're sitting there she says, "so i know you went to something...it was called rhythm or something...and i know that you worship God, and that you are a christian. i've seen the way that you act, and how you care about people....i want that too...do you think i would ever be able to go to something like that? or that i would be able to have that?"
my mouth probably dropped to the floor of my car. i mean, i've never talked to her about any of this. but she knew. this also comes the day after i had been snotty thinking that craig's sermon was not for me. little did i know even when i am in a place where i can't witness, im still witnessing. I almost cried. she also told me that she think a lot of christians are crazy, so i probably would have sealed that had i started crying. but we talked about God, and we talked about her coming to rhythm....which she said she would come thursday night....she may come, she may not....but i learned so much just from this today!!!
This was probably the biggest slap in my face i have ever had!!!
But it was a good slap. something i needed.
but now, i need sleep. and that's what im going to go do!!! night night all..... :)

This has been stuck in my head the last few days...

yearn

by shane barnard

holy design
this place in time
that i might seek and find my God
my God

Lord i want to yearn for You
i want to burn with passion
over You and only You
Lord i want to yearn

Your joy is mine
yet why am i fine
with all my singing and bringing grain
in light of Him

oh You give life and breath
through Him You give all things
in Him we live and move
that's why i sing

ahh so this past week has been mucho fun for me.

last saturday i went with smb to the tackett house and had dinner...it was very very good.
sunday i worked and then took the mom grandma and aunt out to alejandros for dinner...was really really good.
monday i babysat ty, who was a tad bit hyper but was fun!! we went to chuck e cheese, then left early and stopped by bratchers and she got some sugar free sorbet and i talked to JM who happened to be there with the boys, that was fun as well because Ty got to play with them. I talked to Trent and Derek for a bit, took Ty home, then went back and got some ice cream. Ant came and met me there then we went back to her house and watched some tv.
Tuesday i hung out with dexter then went with shanna to anne's and met her and her family. then shanna and i had dinner.
wednesday...i started to feel really really bad on wednesday and was having a lot of pain. so i slept all night.
thursday i didnt feel too great when i went to work, but i did anyway. i attempted to eat a wrap but my stomach just wasn't feeling it. so i ended up only eating like a quarter of it. well needless to say i didnt eat anything else that day. on the way to rhythm i started feeling really sick and just figured it was becasue i hadnt ate. i ate a few things but nothing was seeming to agree with me.by the time i went to bed my stomach felt HORRIBLE. but i wasn't having the severe pain that i was having the day before.
friday i woke up and some how managed to get myself to work. i only stayed there an hour and a half. i went home and went to sleep. i even made myself a doctors apt...which for me is a big deal because i hate going to the doc and that's usually my last resort. if i can find a way to take care of something on my own, then i will usually go about it that way.
so i get up to go to the doc, and realize there is no way i am going to be able to drive myself. deb deb came and picked me up. so i go in and i have the same lady that i had when i had the cyst in my belly button. well she kept doing the oddest things...she was pecking my stomach with her knuckle around and around in circles. then she started pressing around and there were two spots that i said hurt. so she started pressing them both continuously saying so this hurts, yes, so this hurts, yes....apparently once she started pressing really hard i almost kicked her...i dont remember, it's just what i was told. then we go for a blood test. everything came up normal. which is a good thing. just now they are not 100% sure what it is. i asked if i could still go to nd...and they said as long as i wasn't throwing up.
so now...that leaves me with tomorrow. i have to go at 9am and have an ultrasound done on my gall bladder.
i really dont want to miss this mission trip. i know that God is going to be doing big things in new orleans and north dakota, and i dont want to miss out. i signed up for this trip becasuse i felt God telling me to go to nd. i didnt even know anyone else was going. then once i found out shanna was i was even more excited. but now, it just seems as if it is all going away. i just want everything to work out tomorrow....

Goals For '09

So i decided that i really needed to make some goals for this year....

*The first one is a big one for me, and that was to pay off my car. I achieved that this past friday when i made my FINAL payment on the AVEO!!! I have been working on that for 5 years and i am so glad it is done(actually a few months early too!!)
*The second is along the same lines, and it's to pay off my two credit cards. I got them when i was 18, and have been working on paying them off for the last year. This is the prime reason i do not support credit cards. I was responsible with mine, and only used them for emergencies and school, but the interest rates are ridiculous!!! So my goal is to have them paid off be the end of august.
*I want to finish my study of the old testament.
*I want to get involved into a christian community again. I have rhythm, but there is still something that is missing.


I know there were more that were in my head earlier. I just can't remember them now. There will be more to come.

*Go back to school.

spring fever.

i've honestly been happier in the last week but not at the same time...
i'm really not sure how that works...but for me it is right now.

regardless, the last week has been GREAT! Even with everything going on, it is still amazing!! I've trained sara and she is doing GREAT! I am sooo sooo soo happy!! God has def. answered my prayers for another manager! I def needed someone to take over my sundays so i could get back to church, and He provided. Not that i doubted He would, i just wasn't expecting it to be 2 weeks after i had been praying about it. Even when we first starting closing, i was like..wow she is supposed to be ready by next week?!? and she is! I know she is going to do great tonight without me!

anyway...so this week has been weird for me in other ways...so almost two years ago me and JAC broke up. I've been cool with it. I was hurt with the circumstances as first...but i was over it, i took a long time before i started dating again, and all of that. But for some reason this week has been particularly hard. May 30, 2009 was going to be "the" day. yes that's right, 2 weeks from now. but it ended. it was over. so instead when he proposed just a year after they started dating...well officially anyway, i never would have thought that he would get married a month before we were supposed to. the colors were our colors.
i shouldn't be bothered by this. im trying to not be. i dont want him. but WHY?!? why now? why those colors? i mean i know she may have liked them too...but really??? i'm glad he's happy...and i'm glad he has all that he wants, because i was never going to become the girl that he wanted me to be.

but i think this is also why i just dont want to deal with my more current relationship. i was more upset, and shocked when jac and i broke up. i guess i always expected it from JSH. But i guess it's just this time of year...i always seem to lose it. i guess it's just spring fever. :)

I talked to GS about the situation today, and really out of the 4 guys i have dated in the last 7 years, 3 of them have been clingy jealous guys. they were all pretty shy. Those were 3 of the worse relationships for me...i completely changed and stopped being the outgoing person i was. the one the was the better, was still not good, but we had fun. we were so much alike and so outgoing. he's really the only guy to ever break my heart. since then we talked, we're friends. and i love that. that relationship completely changed my life because that was when i became a christian. not that it is confined to one single moment. but the stretch of that two years is what shaped me into the person i am today! Good times. Good times.
i dont know why i continue to ramble. especially about the past. im over it. i love my life now. i just keep screwing up again as if i were 17.

my friends tell me im such a great person and im a good leader, and im this or that. the only thing that hasn't changed since 17, is i still dont see any of it. one day maybe all that will change.

2 weeks.

so after two weeks i came home.
i hate it.
i hate everything about this place.
i dont want to be here anymore.
i just keep telling myself, only a few more months.
but i will be amazed if i make it until july.
i hated living alone before the incident.
and i hate it even more now.
not that im scared that he will come back again.
but that anyone will.
i just hate it.
i dont want to be here.

All ya need is love :)

so this week i have been staying with smb as she was house sitting...we have good times playing with the kitchen utensils...i promise we really do love each other and will be roommates one day!!! just some fun times :) I clearly have the most AMAZING friends ever!!! It's times like these that i will always remember :)


life has been going GREAT!!! Work has been iffy...but really when is it not?? Everything is great though!! God has been working in my life in so many ways!!! And I know it's probably in more ways than what even i know!
I'm really excited for this week and getting back into the swing of things with bible study and such. I get to go to rhythm, bible study, AND church this week!!! That's 3 amazing times i get to go worship God with other people!!! YAY!!!!! Speaking of which...i think im going to go spend some time with Him...we need to have a convo :)

i couldn't be happier right now!
life couldn't be more amazing!
God is so so good :) so so awesome :)

i am so excited for what He's doing in my life and the lives of those around me!!!

:)

ok so i completely have to amend what i said last night.

i said that i wasn't ok.

that's a lie.

i am ok.
im skiddish around people.
but that doesnt make me not ok.
my heart needs time to heal.
but i am doing just fine :)

i am so excited about this weekend and about everything.
maybe even getting some sleep tonight!!!!
:)

Things that make me :)

so i've been playing around with this feature on picasa that automatically adds my
pictures into my blogger...so while i was on this little kick i thought i would share some pics of things that i love/things that always make me smile...just a little reminder that, the sun will come out tomorrow :)

this is oscar...he's the coolest dog EVER!! i've had him since i was a kid, he's pretty old, but still amazing!!! :)

i took this from a friend's porch in bedford county last year. it's just a neat picture. and it

makes me smile :)

this is my nephew. and i LOVE this kid to death...i don't get to spend a lot of time with him...but there's just something about him that makes me smile...i mean i just can't help it! but really look at him!!! how could you not smile?!?!

and lastly...this is my friend shanna's picture...but i love it. i love roanoke

this is my home, and i really don't plan on going anywhere...for now anyway...if God tells me to..i'll go...but i really do love this place.

Only because i can't sleep....

Crazy Monkeys...

I'm not ok.
I will be ok.
Not today,
Maybe not even tomorrow.
But I will be ok.
:)

I have amazing family.
I have amazing friends.
I have amazing friends that are like my family.
But most important is I have an awesome God.
And HE has a plan for this, and for me.

k. thanks. Good night.
well...not really...im going to eat my peppermint cake :)
(my friends really do love me!!!!)

I am Free

A pretty amazing friend of mine called this morning to leave this song on my voicemail. It made me smile...maybe it will you to. :)

Through You the blind will see
Through You the mute will sing
Through You the dead will rise
Through You all hearts will praise
Through You the darkness flees
Through You my heart screams, I am free!

I am free to run
(I am free to run)
I am free to dance
(I am free to dance)
I am free to live for you
(I am free to live for you)
I am free
(I am free)

Chorus:
I am free
I am free
I am free to run
(I am free to run)
I am free to dance
(I am free to dance)
I am free to live for you
(I am free to live for you
I am free
(I am free)
Yes I am free

By your side- Tenth Avenue North

Why are you striving these days
Why are you trying to earn grace
Why are you crying
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough
To where will you go child
Tell me where will you run
To where will you run

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

Cause I, I love you
I want you to know
That I, I love you
I'll never let you go

Perky?!?!

so anyone who knows me knows that i do not take compliments well at all...i dont like it. mainly because i dont see those things in me. tonight my small group did an "exercise" where we went around and said something uplifting and encouraging about each member of the group. At first i was unsure and had thought that brian had lost his mind in suggesting this. Despite my skepticism, by the second person i realized this really is a good idea. I enjoyed being able to tell people why i appreciate them...which is something we don't do very often in our every day busy lives. Now i will admit there are a few people there that i can name lists after lists of why i appreciate them, but there's just no time for that..the moral of the story is God is AWESOME! I am so thankful for my small group and for my rhythm "family". They really have gotten me through this last year. God placed people in my life at exactly the right time. But that's because He knows what He's doing. He is God. And well...He does have a plan :)

The lovliness of it all :)

I am truly happy in my life right now...which is something that hasn't been the case in a long time. Things have been going...well interesting...but i've never fully relied on God before, and in doing that, ya start to see just how little everything else really is. I know He has a plan for me in my life and though I may not know what that is...or as some would say I am choosing to ignore it. I don't think that's the case, however, there is a group of 6 or 7 people who feel that I should be going into ministry to be a youth minister. I just don't see that being me. I love kids, and I love working with kids...i regret that i dropped my education minor. But I think that is more where I need to be...and not in ministry. And I think that's where God is calling me. With all that said, things are still amazing. Jackson is getting sooo big!! He's almost one now!! Crazy how time flies!!! I'm pretty sure he's going to think im the coolest aunt ever when he gets older though :)
One final note...if anyone happens to find my Jeremiah 29:11 bracelet...my wrist would like it to be back on :) it fell out of my purse and i can't seem to find it anywhere :(

The Start....

So i havent had an online blog since i deleted my livejournal..i feel it's time for a fresh start, a new beginning... :)